Jealousy – Trying to keep you from other friendships even with family members.
Controlling behavior preventing you to be free to see or do anything you like. The abusive partner’s needs and wants always come first.
Quick involvement – move from dating to marriage quickly.
Unrealistic expectations – of you to meet all their needs.
Isolating of their partner from friends and family.
Blaming partner for everything, the abusive partner is never wrong.
Hypersensitivity to setbacks the abusive partner become enraged accusing everyone for not getting what they wanted.
Cruelty to the most vulnerable – the abuser will use harsh language to humiliate or physically abuse their partners, animals, and kids.
Verbal abuse – with sudden change of mood.
Jekyll and Hyde – the abusive partner can go from calm to irate and violent quickly.
Sex – the abusive partner has tendency to use force in a playful way. They may want to play out rape scenes and force sex on their partner when the partner does not want it.
Also look for any history of past aggression
- May have a “Protection from Abuse” (PFA) on them.
- Ex-partner may try to warn the abuser’s new partner about their aggressive behaviors.
- The abuse may start with them throwing objects or threating physical abuse.
- The abuser will try to keep their partner away from friends or family in more subtle ways, like “oh I am too tired and need you to stay home and be with me, I need more time with you alone, your friends/family don’t like me.” Or “it is me or them.”
- Controlling money or car keys so you are not free to do things on your own.
If you find you are in such a relationship there are therapies to help you heal. Brain spotting works well along with the bi-lateral therapies work well, such as EMDR. Do not stay in an abusive relationship – safety first, get out of the relationship and seek a professional for help.
