Items to keep in mind when working on a custody agreement

Always consider the children and their schedules and needs first.

Consider the holidays and which ones are celebrated in your family.

  • Alternating all the holidays.
  • Child/children spend specific holidays with the parent that celebrates that holiday.
  • Alternating holidays may be on every other year basis.
  • Consider all the holidays in one year and do you want to alternate them.

Parents’ Birthdays

  • Each parent has the children for their birthday.

Mother’s Day/Father’s Day

  • Each parent gets the children for their celebrated day

Children’s Birthdays

  • Alternating them each year as to which parent will have the child for their actual Birthday.

Vacation

  • How many weeks can each parent be away with the children?
  • How many weeks can a parent be away without the children?
  • How will their missed custodial time be worked out?
  • Identify if out of state travel is agreed upon by both parents.
  • Identify if out of the country is agreed upon by both parents.

School holidays

  • Which parent will be responsible to see/arrange care for the children on school holidays?

Dating

  • When and how do both parents agree to introducing dating partners to their children? Do both parents wish to be informed before the parent introduces a significant other to the children?

Overnights

  • Do both parents agree to have overnights with their dating partner when they have custodial time?  Do both parents agree only to have their significant other sleep over when it is not their custodial time?

How, where and when

  • The exchange of the children. Determine the time for the changing of custodial time. If it is a contentious divorce where will the exchange take place?
  • Will the exchange happen before 12pm or by 5pm?

Activities

  • Who will be responsible for providing transportation to and from all the children’s various activities?
  • Will one parent be responsible for some activities and the other parent responsible for others?

Summery

Being very clear on these items can eliminate disagreements later.  When possible, it is important that Parents are flexible with the schedule. If a child wants more time with one parent, consider the child’s needs before making the decision to allow it or not. If one parent is running late and it is not a pattern, be flexible.  Remember this part of the divorce is for the children and when parents can model respect and responsibility, the children also learn these important lessons.

4 thoughts on “Items to keep in mind when working on a custody agreement”

  1. These are important items to think about when negotiating custody and visitation times during the divorce process. I appreciate all the various aspects stated in this blog to encourage each parent to think more carefully about how to go forward, but most importantly how every decision will impact their children. This was great food for thought.

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